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Post by The Merchant on Jan 21, 2010 16:18:04 GMT -6
Good Evening, I'm Rai Chiller. The New News Correspondent. As we all know, On January 12, 2010, at 21:53 UTC, (4:53 pm local time), Haiti was struck by a devastating Magnitude 7 Earthquake. Why the hell should YOU care? You may ask. Well, it's because one of our members here is from Haiti (Apparently), but I'm not naming names. Anyway, Haiti will need to be built from the ground up apparently. While this may sound like Haiti's problem, sadly it is also OUR problem. Not even their magnificent leader in all his wacky hat glory could have predicted this...You see, (As with all affairs on Earth) it is AMERICA'S problem too. Because we're just cool like that. (Think Batman) Now, guess where all this money is coming from? That's right, RICHIE ****ING RICH. (AKA us I guess) "You want some ****ing money Haiti? WELL **** N... Oh Batman... Eh, well ****. Here you go."You may be asking; "But we're helping them! How is that a problem?" Well it's a HUGE problem when we're helping some small goddamn Communist Country that looked like god **** all over it. I mean, have we forgotten why we entered 'Nam? TO FIGHT COMMIES. Now we're giving them our moniez. WE'RE EVEN GIVING THEM TAYLOR SWIFT. "What do you mean I'm being paid as much money as the guy who cleans up the stage? WHAT KIND OF PLACE IS THIS."Goddamn Haiti... First they take our money, then they take our Taylor Swift. WHY COULDN'T THEY HAVE TAKEN PARIS HILTON?! Anyway, stay tuned for more updates on the Haiti situation. Till next time, Chilluns. HEIL.
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Post by The Merchant on Jan 21, 2010 16:41:14 GMT -6
Holy shat. I just thought of something. What if the 2010 Earthquake in Haiti is a Prelude to 2012?!?!?!? HOLY SHAWT THE MAYANS KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. "Fuck you Earth."[/i][/center] RUN FOR YOUR LIVES. "OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIII-"Oh Jesus. I think I just pissed myself in fear... I'll be right back.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2010 17:33:38 GMT -6
They can have Taylor Swift dumb *****
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Basil
New Survivor
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Post by Basil on Jan 22, 2010 8:30:43 GMT -6
THE END OF AN ERA, ZOMG'S COLLAPSE SHAKES SITE'S DENIZENSZOMG has been around for a while now, squatting the RPG board with its Willamette-centralism and other antics...but now, it has vanished. ZOMG started out as a brilliant idea from COGS to completely recreate the events of the Alt, word for word, pound for pound make a noob friendly RPG that took place in the familiar background of the Willamette mall. ZOMG got a swinging start, drawing in the newcomers like flies to honey and churning out posts that would have made Shakespeare weep in horror joy. People flocked in, and ZOMG was "fresh" and "fun". ZOMG's main appeal: excellent spelling and grammar.[/b] ZOMG also gave us some wonderful conversations in the Cbawks, like that time when COGS asked everyone about which body part Kate should lose (amputation is not smexy kthxbai). Rush during his brief policing of ZOMG, note the exhausted expression.Even old Rush joined at one point, and tried to get all the newbs into gear through harsh grammar and writing drills, all of which ultimately failed. Rush finally gave up on ZOMG after a while, and some think ZOMG might have caused him to leave (pfffft, busy with college yeah right). Veta's lil' pet dragon.[/b] ZOMG was also the stage of a Vetaesque ruckus centered around Veta's unsubtle attempt at introducing a dragon into the proceedings. This argument ended in the whole dragon business getting epically crushed into dust. Dat dragon got pwned lololol[/b] And who could forget Hellfire's attempts to blow up the mall (or was it Ninto's?) and COGS lulzy reaction. The Collapse:ZOMG fell into disrepair after a while, as its members drifted away, lost interest or self-destructed with their bad grammar. COGS, the all-powerful Gawd of ZOMGawd (lol word play), abandoned his bloated creation in favour of more enjoyable Kate-rape in Alt Zday. And so ZOMG collapsed, with nobody posting in it and critics (not all of them good, see Kong) doubled their ciriticism. Finally, ZOMG was dealt the killing blow and put into the archive, to be possibly replaced by "Phoenix Arsehole Erection" or something else. We'll miss/not miss you, ZOMG *sheds fake tear*
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 22, 2010 19:40:16 GMT -6
lol It was hellfires, and I remember when COGS was asking about the limbs lol.
ZOMG failed but had funny memories right?
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Post by Traveling Riverside Roj on Jan 22, 2010 23:24:28 GMT -6
Thank Bondye no active newbs are left; they'd do dumb shit like throw rocks at a Basil, who is armed with a BAN-47....
Although you must admit, that would be quite hilarious in a COGSish way.
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Post by The Merchant on Jan 23, 2010 1:26:01 GMT -6
TIME FOR OUR NEW SEGMENT OF THE SHOW: FADS TIMEAlright Children, on my new segment of our news broadcast, I will take a close look at the newest fads sweeping the nation! (And most likely this site) That's right, it's time for a FAD UPDATE!!! "Now shut the fuck up."[/size] Our first subject: CYOAsCYOA, Or sometimes referred to as "Choose Your Own Fucking Answer" for short, is a type of story in which the author posts a part of a story, and leaves the audience to drive the story. Of course, this is like letting a cat drive your car. "HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT."[/size] However, a rich culture has developed underneath the bowels of the pure butcher house of grammar here on this site, and we at FAUX News aimed to find that tasty lemur meat. We of course started our search at the local bar, known as the Cbox. We asked a clearly sober patron what he thought was the best CYOA. The completely not-wasted (Man?) person responded with a toothless grin. He said, quite un-alcoholically; "T's FIRST CYOA!" "I swear to Drunk I'm not god."[/i] "T's First CYOA?" I asked with a slight British accent and an amazing journalist style notepad was clutched in my hand. "But... That's not on THIS site, is it?" I asked. (He?) It pondered this for a moment. "I s'pose not..." the He-it said. "I guess it's Roger's CYOA than." The Man-Thing finally responded. "Excellent!" I told him as I ran out of the increasingly shank-friendly bar. I waddled out on to the street, certain I had found a lead. "Hot damn, this'll blast my career all the way to FUX News!"Of course, our lowly FAUX News reporter had no idea where or WHAT Roger's CYOA was. In fact, he had no idea what a Roger even was. Clearly stumped, we asked a pedestrian passing by. After our eyes cleared from the pepper spray, we decided to move south. Passing by a sign that said "Now entering: West Junction", we thought we had almost made it. We were dismayed to realize however, that West Junction is basically the equivalent of Thunderdome around this site. We eat babies and souls for breakfest. Your virginity is for lunch.Gulping down our fears, we approached the fearful land known as Creative Writing land or some shit. However, we found out that Creative Arts Building was actually a haven for Fanfictions and bad drawings. Like this.We set up camp for the night outside Bathblood, and waited. One of our camera men, Paul, died a few minutes ago from dehydration. We'll continue this live broadcast soon... Oh god, I think I hear a troll outside... ![](http://cdn-www.cracked.com/phpimages/article/8/1/8/12818.jpg)
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Basil
New Survivor
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Post by Basil on Jan 23, 2010 4:27:19 GMT -6
All I can say about your article, mah dear journalist comrade, is this: ![](http://blogs.citypages.com/blotter/brilliant.jpg)
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Post by The Merchant on Jan 24, 2010 1:58:58 GMT -6
BREAKING NEWS FROM THE CBOX: NAZISM SPREADING LULZ TO SOME AND FEAR TO OTHERS[/size] As you may have all heard, (Except you, Veta.) earlier today a certain code was created for the Cbox. Translating innocent Engrish words, to nightmarish German words. Many people's first reactions were of course; 'NAZIS.' "Heil, Hogan."[/size] At first, many people were drawn to it's strange, yet charmingly different form of talking. A form of 'Germlish', if you will. But of course, there were some who doubted the power of Germlish. These people were appropriately 'neutralized'. >_> The Tin can represents your soul.[/size] Without these people to question the supreme Germlish overlords, Germlish spread across the whole cbox. First it engulfed Russian occupied Ace. Basil surrendered almost immediately.(Hehe) Germlish influence was spreading fast. All those who questioned the almighty power of Germlish were subdued and 're-educated'. > ![:)](http://left4deadforums.com/images/smilies/zombie/zombie15.gif) "Oh, HELL YES."[/size] Soon, a massive army of Germlish followers rose. Demolishing the pathetic resistance of the already weak Cbox. Life was good. Until a few foolish Peasants from America and Haiti challenged the great Germlish empire. They thought Germlish supported Nazism. Which was of course, ridiculous. I mean, would Das Germlish Führer ever lie? The Germlish Horde descended upon them. The blasphemers were nearly finished. "We're totally not supporting Nazism."Alas, the foolish scum stopped the great Germlish army. thereby enforcing a 'No Nazi' policy like a bunch of stubborn old women. "Fuck you, fun."Returning back to normal Engrish, the former Germlish followers are still bitter from defeat... However, it has been said that a certain Merchant may possess the code to return the Cbox back to it's former Germlish glory. But whatever. Just another normal day at Living dead RPG! "Peace was soon restored across the land..."
"...Until another bitch fight occurs. At which point, FAUX news will be there!"[/size]
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Post by The Goddamn Batman on Jan 24, 2010 6:59:24 GMT -6
Thank Gawd for these Haïtian and American peasants who overthrew the evil reactionary Cbawks Nazis!
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Post by Traveling Riverside Roj on Jan 24, 2010 17:07:36 GMT -6
You seemed to have omitted the fact that I will soon succumb to Anal Bubonic Syphilis.
Damn you, Basil.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 25, 2010 15:04:01 GMT -6
What? Where was I?
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