Post by Gabe Bar on Jul 28, 2011 15:21:30 GMT -6
Guess what time it is folks? That's right...
'Oh fuck, is he really doing this?'
Dungeons and Dragons Time
I'm going to keep a log on this site of my current campaign's exploitsmostly for my benefit to share our brilliance with you all.
Let's break it down.
Dammit Paul! That's the fifth time this week!
'Oh fuck, is he really doing this?'
Dungeons and Dragons Time
I'm going to keep a log on this site of my current campaign's exploits
Let's break it down.
Dammit Paul! That's the fifth time this week!
*Ahem*
Our party wakes up to find themselves in a castle dungeon. Tanith, their elven bard, consults with his teammates to determine what the fuck happened, why the fuck were they in a castle, and if Shakes, their Orc Barbarian, was really bleeding profusely from his crotch.
'Well we got the dungeons out of the way... onto the dragons'
After closer inspection, his cellmate Fandral the half-elf druid, determines that Shakes had found one of Tanith's lockpicks before they were captured and imprisoned and stuck it up his urethra... for purposes unknown. After retrieving the lockpick, Fandral attempts to open his and Shakes' cell door. After failing horribly and breaking the pick in the process, Shakes bursts into a death rage and kicks his door so hard that it frees not only he and Fandral, but also breaks down the door across from him freeing the human sorceress Aneria. While Fandral goes to search for their equipment and the keys to the prison cells Shakes rips off the cell door of Kanks the Centaur's cell. Upon finding a chest with their belongings, Fandral stupidly activates a trap which unleashes zombies at the group. Panicking Fandral grabs an item of the chest and runs to give it to Shakes while he cowers in fear back inside his prison cell. Shakes easily defeats the horde of ... two... zombies with a small dagger.
'They were also mild-mannered accountants and weren't very athletic'
After freeing Tanith, Johnny the half-dragon and collecting their gear, the group decides to look into the last remaining cell in the block. Inside they find an old man, which... after questioning... reveals that's he's been inside the cell his entire life and doesn't know anything about anyone ever. Of all time.
'He probably did this too, seeing that our party is either good or neutral and would be forced to rescue him anyways'
After freeing the old man, Tanith decides that it's about time to be getting the fuck out of this dungeon, and hastily makes for the exit. Upon opening the door he sets off a magical alarm that awakes a pair of slumbering Displacer Beasts that were obviously guarding the cell.
'Yeah, I shit my pants too'
Shakes, Johnny, and Kanks sprung into action hacking and slashing away at the pair of displacer beasts while the rest of the party attacked from afar with crossbows, acid splashes, and... Bolas?
'Fucking Really?'
Before they could manage to slay at the beasts, the two panther-like creatures both disappeared in a puff of smoke. Panicking... the Centaur backed up nervously... tripping over Steve the Cleric and sending both of them to the ground... just as one of the displacer beasts reappeared on top of them.
'More Pants were shat'
After an ass-whooping, the group finally killed a displacer beast. Certain that the other displacer beast had chosen to escape with his life the group pressed on... ascending a spiral staircase. Upon arriving at the top of the staircase, they were greeted by the dungeons caretaker...
'Called it! I fucking called it!'