Post by Rai Chiller on Aug 8, 2011 1:13:53 GMT -6
Prologue
The year is 1974: The Cold War rages on between the Soviet Union and the United States. A few years ago, one speshul agent of the CIA, codenamed 'The Bawss', went missing in some EXTREMELY dense bush in the USSR. The CIA sent the Bawss's pupil, Nekked Snack, to find that beotch.
It was there, in this DENSE MANLY BUSH, that Naked Sneak uncovered the truth: The Bawss was working for teh communists the whole time. The Bawss herself tried to pwn Snake on a bridge made of old wood and hope after telling him he sucked, I guess.
Hurt, broken, and totes alone, Naked Snack had to live on RC cola and roasted frog testicles for decades and decades, before being rescued by the CIA. The feds told Snaek he had to go lolpwn his old mentor now, before she blew up capitalism or something. Snake accepted instantaneously and drove a go-kart back to the DENSE BUSH for round 2. Only, this time, he had a bunch of useless advisers to halp him.
Fighting his way through the DENSE, COMMUNISM FILLED BUSH, Snack finally encountered one of the Bawss's new minions: The snack eaters. They feasted on the bones of previous nekked people that tried to defeat the bawss, and were hungry for snake (nohomo). Naked Sneak defeated them and discovered a busty sidekick who is completely irrelevant to the story until Metal Gear Merchant 4: Puns of the Parrots.
After discovering his inner self and slaughtering dozens and DOZENS of communists, Snaek finally confronted the bawss and pwned the SHIT out of her. Srsly there was liek nothing left after he raeped her, I checked. After pwning the bawss he was all emotional and shit and became really depressed for five seconds before remembering real men don't cry, they only fap silently in the night.
ANYWAY Snake pwned the last death eater named the end and that's the end of the story.
....Right?
lolno, after pwning THE END Snack became srsly angry with the US and quit the CIA forevah, thus establishing Metal Gear Merchant Portable Mops (Plus).
But that game was dumb so we're skipping to Pace Maker.
Episode 0: Prologue 2
Su our story starts out with Snaek owning a shitty private army called Miltares San Faggotero (Loosely translated from pussy, it means ARMY WITHOUT PILE OF STICKS). Snake gets off his motorcycle that he owns for some reason and takes a slow walk to the beach, slowly removing his shirt all while slowly basking in his extremely slow manliness.
On the beach, Snaek meets his shitty army, consisting of liek 2 people. They salute him, and the commander of this band of faggorts salutes too.
"BIG BAWSS! What an honour to meet the bawss himself! Whatcha need, sir?"
WHAT THE FUCK DOES SNACK SAY NEXT?!
A. "No bitches in my army speak canadian, I'mma beat the HONOR out of your ass and use it to make some new bedsheets for my pet llama, Charles!"
B. "I need the tutorial on how to vote, explain plx."
C. "COMMUNISTS DETE- You know what? I'm kidding. I need a cigar plx"
D. "CHARLES; FEAST."