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Post by Gabe Bar on Aug 28, 2012 22:53:58 GMT -6
You awake in a basket. How do you know it's a basket? It smells basket-y, that's how. Now shut the fuck up and choose a name:
A. Ass Goblin B. Butt Boy C. Crack Blaster D. Dat Ass S. Sphincter
That's what you call yourself? Any name in the world and that's what you call yourself? Fuck, alright. Choose a class:
A. Ass-Ass-in B. Booty Warrior C. Caboose Crusader D. Demon Lord of Junk in the Trunk T. Torque Dat M-Ass-ter
Alright, you obviously have a fetish for something sick and twisted. That's some I can get behind.
Behind.
Behind.
Behi-
1. "Eat shit and die narrator faggot. I came here looking for booty." 2. "I get it. CYOA time." 3. "Booty Butt, Booty Butt, Booty Buttcheeks" 4. "Let us begin this Crusade against this foul basket!"
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Post by Rai Chiller on Aug 28, 2012 22:56:18 GMT -6
D
T
1
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silentking
New Survivor
World's Greatest Misnomer
Posts: 24
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Post by silentking on Aug 28, 2012 22:57:27 GMT -6
A, B, 1
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Post by Kong The Jester on Aug 28, 2012 22:58:00 GMT -6
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Post by AceTheMercenary on Aug 28, 2012 22:58:00 GMT -6
A B 1
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Post by Veta on Sept 3, 2012 20:44:05 GMT -6
D
T
1
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Post by Gabe Bar on Sept 3, 2012 21:16:46 GMT -6
"Eat shit and die narrator faggot. I came here looking for booty," you say as you put on your robe and wizard hat, conjure up some sunglasses and bite your lower lip. Which is would be extremely hard to do for a regular ass goblin, give their horrendous underbite. But you're Dat Ass Goblin. You got this shit on lockdown.
"Alright alright you faggot. The basket opens, you peak outside and see that you're floating in a sea of asses. Booty every. Ghetto Booty. High Class Ass. Ass Cheeks from horizon to horizon. Booty Butt cheeks clapping together in a glorious cacophony that can only be described as... Brown Noise."
Then you wake up. Did you seriously think you'd be able to break the fucking fourth wall and get to heaven in the first post? You are a retarded little Goblin aren't you?
Anyways. You're in a room. It's cold, dark and there's no booty in sight. What's a Booty Master to do?
Obvious Exits are North, South, East, and Dennis. ___________________ Health:100% Armor: -Filthy Fucking Rags Weapon: -Fists Items: -None Feats: -Open Palm Booty Slap -Goblin Engineering -Weapon Proficiency: Guns ___________________
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Post by Rai Chiller on Sept 3, 2012 21:26:10 GMT -6
North I sai. NORTH!
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silentking
New Survivor
World's Greatest Misnomer
Posts: 24
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Post by silentking on Sept 3, 2012 22:56:33 GMT -6
Dennis
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Post by Slayer_22 on Sept 4, 2012 10:08:31 GMT -6
dennis
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Post by Veta on Sept 4, 2012 17:46:01 GMT -6
Denny's
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Zomby Wulf
Experienced Survivor
I Only Do *Redacted*
Posts: 145
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Post by Zomby Wulf on Sept 5, 2012 1:35:55 GMT -6
Always Denny's.
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Post by Gabe Bar on Sept 30, 2012 23:56:25 GMT -6
"Hey! Hey Dennis! Get me out of this fucking cave!" you shout at your good chum Dennis the Dwarf.
"Oi! Dat Ass Goblin, you fookin' cunt 'ow 'ave ya been!" Dennis exclaims as he summons his magical donkey(GET IT! GET IT! IT'S AN ASS AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHYOUFUCKINGFAGGOTSAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) and beckons you to join him.
Being the Ass Master you are you mount the donkey like a champion, and together with Dennis you ride dat ass North... which was where the exit was. Your eyes take awhile to adjust to the bright outside light but eventually you gaze upon beautiful nature. The cunt flowers are thick with morning dew, the dick plants stand erect in their fields secreting a white fluid the local farm girls use as a tasty treat and the bouncing boobs roam the country side. But not a single ass to be found.
"So young Ass Master, where do you wish me to take you?" Dennis asks while staring at the dick plants. Dennis the Dwarf might be homosexual.
Nah just kiddin'... He totally is.
A. "The Bordello/Bakery of course! I am in need of Hot Buns!" B. "The weapon smith! I need to make my hyper weapon bigger!" C. "The armor smith! I need to use protection!" D. "The fuck smith! To uh... smith... some fuck..." G. "The Gabe Bar." ___________________ Health:100% Armor: -Filthy Fucking Rags Weapon: -Fists Items: -Confusing feelings Feats: -Open Palm Booty Slap -Goblin Engineering -Weapon Proficiency: Guns ___________________
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Post by AceTheMercenary on Oct 1, 2012 0:09:08 GMT -6
On second thought, I change my vote to D.
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Post by Veta on Oct 1, 2012 15:08:20 GMT -6
G. Always G.
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Post by Rai Chiller on Oct 1, 2012 19:03:53 GMT -6
D
Dat fuck smith
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Post by Gabe Bar on Oct 1, 2012 22:40:46 GMT -6
"The fucksmith! To uh... smith... some fuck..." you say, not entirely sure what a fucksmith is.
"You want to see Izaya the town fuck-up?" Dennis questioned before he shrugged and began riding off exclaiming, "Whatever faggot!"
Dennis tosses your goblin ass off his regular ass and rides into the mulch-faceted sunset. You take 48 points of damage.
Izaya, the local fucksmith, walks up to you and tries to assist you. You take an additional 51 points of damage. Izaya attempts to formulate a sentence but fails horribly, instead fading into a coma.
Several towns people approach you, some to laugh some to offer AIDS. You don't know why they would offer AIDS. You receive two potions of Essence of Booty. A Bag of Mocking Laughter. And two AA batteries.
Actually you haven't said fuck in a few sentences, so you decide to scream it at the top of your lungs. Lungs that are ruptured and filling with blood due to you being at 1 health. You black out.
Faggot.
You revive at a Pokemon Center Bordello, having received the rejuvenating power of booty in the form of 27 booty claps on yo' face.
Pity Treasure in hand you embark to see the towns other amenities. Maybe. I don't fuckin' know. You could ass fuck a snail for all I care.
Snails don't have asses.
Fuck.
A. "I shall head to see if there are any job postings in the area" B. "I need armor and weapons, faggot" C. "I'm going to fuck a snail... in it's cloaca... thing." D. "I'm going to head out into the savage wilderness with no gear, weapons or food and get eaten by Twat Badgers, Phallus Kobolds, and Beholder Bewbs." G. "Gabe Bar."
___________________ Health:100% Armor: -Filthy Fucking Rags Weapon: -Fists Items: -2 AA Batteries -2 Essence of Booty -1 Bag of Mocking Laughter -3 Scoops of Disappointment Flavored Ice Cream Feats: -Open Palm Booty Slap -Goblin Engineering -Weapon Proficiency: Guns ___________________
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Post by Veta on Oct 1, 2012 22:44:46 GMT -6
D once again.
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Post by AceTheMercenary on Oct 1, 2012 22:49:18 GMT -6
A.
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Post by Rai Chiller on Oct 9, 2012 16:04:17 GMT -6
A
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Post by Gabe Bar on Oct 9, 2012 16:17:26 GMT -6
"I'm going to check out the bounty board, because yes," you say as you walk merrily towards the local keep. There's two notes on it. One says, "Fuck you." the other says, "Bring me the twat of Twat Badger, the Phallus of a Phallus Kobold, and a pair of boobs harvested off a Beholder Bewb. And I'll give you my finest sniper rifle. XoXo Kong" "Hmm... that sounds incredibly fishy... BUT MONEY IS MONEY!" you say as you take down the job flyer, and skip merrily out of town. The wilderness is filled to the fucking brim with these docile creatures that this maniac wants you to butcher and harvest for parts for god knows what. What do? A. Hunt the Noble Cunt Badger B. Hunt the innocent Phallus Kobold C. Hunt the majestic Behold Bewb D. Hunt a Snail ___________________ Health:100% Armor: -Filthy Fucking Rags Weapon: -Fists Items: -2 AA Batteries -2 Essence of Booty -1 Bag of Mocking Laughter -3 Scoops of Disappointment Flavored Ice Cream Feats: -Open Palm Booty Slap -Goblin Engineering -Weapon Proficiency: Guns ___________________
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Post by AceTheMercenary on Oct 9, 2012 16:38:39 GMT -6
B.
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Post by Veta on Oct 9, 2012 17:07:23 GMT -6
C.
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Post by Rai Chiller on Oct 9, 2012 18:22:32 GMT -6
B
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Post by Gabe Bar on Mar 31, 2013 17:11:29 GMT -6
You stare dumbfound at the ground for two months because I'm lazy. Anywho, where were we? Ah yes you were about to butcher a Phallus Kobold. Luckily for you, thinking you were a dead animal, a family of Phallus Kobolds have made a nest at your feet. No doubt intending to feed your rotting flesh to their young in the hard Asslandian winter. After snapping out of your stupor you raise your fists and starts beating the FUCK out of the quaint family of kobolds, this goes on for hours as you struggle to harvest their rock hard reproductive horns. These kobolds were into some weird shit. Eventually you pry them free of their former owners, placing the bloody horns into your Bag of Mocking Laughter, it chuckles at your incompetence. Standing still for 2 whole months has done a number on your body. You're at 1 health again. Loser. You require nourishment so you devour the spiky scaly flesh of the Phallus Kobold. Tastes like cock chicken. But yeah. One endangered species down. Two to go. Maybe you should find some tools or some shit. Make this go faster. I mean, 2 months. Fuck. A. Search for some zircon encrusted tweezers B. Hunt the innocent Beholder Bewb C. Hunt the majestic Cunt Badger D. Search for the Master Sword G. Gabe Bar. It's a bar for Gabe's. ___________________ Health:60% Armor: -Filthy Fucking Rags Weapon: -Dragon Dildo Items: -2 AA Batteries -2 Essence of Booty -1 Bag of Mocking Laughter -3 Scoops of Disappointment Flavored Ice Cream Feats: -Open Palm Booty Slap -Goblin Engineering -Weapon Proficiency: Guns -Gee Billy, Two wieners! ___________________
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Post by Rai Chiller on Apr 4, 2013 14:13:01 GMT -6
C
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Post by Veta on Apr 5, 2013 11:54:28 GMT -6
G.
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Post by Slayer_22 on Apr 5, 2013 15:10:22 GMT -6
c
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Post by Gabe Bar on Apr 21, 2013 9:55:39 GMT -6
After a long and arduous journey through the Moaning Pussywillows, you finally cum across a cunt badger opium den. You enter to find several specimens of the carefree species asleep. You slowly begin the arduous work of ripping the cunts off of their backs and placing them into your bag. After a good three hours of sifting through body parts, making decorative symbols on the den walls with badger blood, and sleeping you craft yourself an outfit out of the badger hides. However, it's getting dark and you still need to track down a Beholder Boob. A. Rest until dawn in the den B. Fuck that noise let's go out in the wilderness finish this stupid fucking quest C. Head back to town D. Masturbate G. Seek refuge at a local Bar. A Bar for Gabe's. ___________________ Health:60% Armor: -Hide Armor of Cuntiness Weapon: -Dragon Dildo Items: -2 AA Batteries -2 Essence of Booty -1 Bag of Mocking Laughter -3 Scoops of Disappointment Flavored Ice Cream Feats: -Open Palm Booty Slap -Goblin Engineering -Weapon Proficiency: Guns -Gee Billy, Two wieners! ___________________
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Post by Slayer_22 on Apr 21, 2013 10:56:49 GMT -6
b
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