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Post by The Merchant on Dec 30, 2009 0:19:21 GMT -6
Part 1: In which Chris and Jill go to teh Mansion 'Teh year was 1998. Teh year none of us would ever forget...' 'Several grisly murders had taken place near teh city of Raccoon City...' 'People had been horribly eaten to death. I mean, we all blamed it on Raccoons at first. Because, it's Raccoon City right? But after the 78th Raccoon blamed murder, we started to get suspicious...' 'In response to these hilariou... I mean, terrible murders, the Police department formed a 'Specially Terrible Awful Raccoon Shooting Unit. Otherwise known as STARS.' 'The team was comprised of two teams. The awesome Beta team, and the suckish Alpha team. The awesome team was comprised of Jill Valentine; Teh Smexy Ladeh of the team. As well as Chris Redfield; the soon to be 'roided up powerhouse of the team.' 'Not to mention teh kickass leader of the team, Weskah. The indoor sunglass wearing, totally not evil SOB that keeps the team together.' 'Oh, and Barry... But yeah... Not much to say 'bout him. :\' 'Now, back to the story. Anyway, there was a really ****ing creepy Mansion near the mountains. So since the STARS unit was bored, they decided they might as well go ****ing check on it to make sure the Coons... I mean... RACCoons hadn't been camping out there.' 'Alright, so badass Beta team was in a helicopter to go check out what happened to the suckish Alpha team. Because they went to check out the mansion first, but since they sucked more ass then Kong and Baron combined a vacuum cleaner, they obviously crashed.' ... First of all, choose a main character. A). Jill B). Chris Then, choose a difficulty. 1). You ****ing n3wb. >_> (Easy) 2). Meh. (Normal) 3). Bring it, baby! (Hardcore) 4). HOLY SH*T. (INSANE) Your vote should look like this: A3 for example. Now vote or die.
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Post by Veta on Dec 30, 2009 0:29:03 GMT -6
A1.
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Post by blitz on Dec 30, 2009 2:33:44 GMT -6
B4 ofc
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Post by Tbone on Dec 30, 2009 22:28:20 GMT -6
I forgot to vote earlier. B3 for the hell of it.
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Post by AceTheMercenary on Dec 31, 2009 23:59:37 GMT -6
B 4. Definitely.
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Post by The Merchant on Jan 1, 2010 0:40:54 GMT -6
You have chosen: Chris, HOLY SH*T!! DifficultyChris, Jill, Weskah, Barry, and Kent Whatshisface jumped out of the helicopter. They took a moment to slow mo the image, then they wandering off to the burning wreckage that was the fail team Alpha. Kent for some reason was recording this shit, so when he saw the burnt bodies, he totally puked like a pussy. Wesker of course just laughed at him. The puke got all over the camera too, so he had to wipe it off with his sleeve. So after taking a good ten minutes to take some hilarious pictures with the burnt up bodies, (Which may or may not have involved funny hats) Beta team hauled ass toward the mansion. Of course, Barry needed to stop his fat ass to eat a three course meal he had prepared for the trip, so the journey took longer than expected. About 3 hours away from the Mansion, Kent spoke up. "So... Why did we land 10 FUCKING MILES away from the Mansion?" Wesker glared at him, but he didn't notice because he was wearing those badass sunglasses. "Shut the shit up, Jackhole." Barry suddenly said out of nowhere. Kent's face scrambled together with tears from Barry's epic response. 2 HOURS AND 56 MINUTES LATER... Everyone was panting like a motherfucker, 'cept Wesker of course. Cuz he's just that awesome. Jill pulled out a map Luigi's mansion style and said; "Gee, this doesn't look like the picture at all..." Chris looked at the map. "Jill... This is just a shitty drawing Barry drew and left on your desk. Look, it even says 'By Barry' in the corner." Jill compared the two for a moment... "Actually, his picture wasn't that far of..." "SNARL GROWL YIP BARK" Growls and barks sounded from far away, and Kent's screams could be heard in the distance. Dogs approached from all sides. WHAT DO YOU DO?!?!?!? A). "FUCK THIS MAN I'M OUT." *Runs away and hides* (Matt way) B). "What if this is a trick and Kent's just trying to get us killed... >_>" *Runs away in a paranoid rush toward mansion* (Veta way) C). "WE GOTTA SAVE KENT! WHO ELSE WILL WE HAVE TO BE OUR BITCH?!?" *Run toward the dogs* (Shark way) D). "Screw that, I'm staying here with mah buddy Wesker and my hawt Girlfriend Jill... Possibly Ada" *Stay there* (COGS way) E). "Strangah..." *Leave this in the hands of the all seeing beings, the Merchants* (The Merchant way/ Ace and Rai way) Personal Stats:
Matt Points: 0 Veta Points: 0 Shark Points: 0 COGS Points: 0 Merchant Points: 0
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Post by AceTheMercenary on Jan 1, 2010 0:53:38 GMT -6
As tempting as E is right now, I think I'll vote C.
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Post by The Merchant on Jan 1, 2010 0:54:45 GMT -6
Since COGS can't vote for whatever reason, he has requested I put him down as vote D. (Via the Cbox)
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Post by Veta on Jan 1, 2010 1:48:48 GMT -6
E.
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Post by Matt Ruinoff on Jan 1, 2010 3:19:04 GMT -6
C. Matt shenanigans later. MAAAYBE
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Post by The Merchant on Jan 6, 2010 22:10:23 GMT -6
You have chosen: Option C! +1 Shark Point!"WE GOTTA SAVE KENT! WHO ELSE WILL WE HAVE TO BE OUR BITCH?!?" Chris barks madly. Wesker raises a blonde eyebrow. "He brings up a good point. You two, go. I'll stay here with Barry and discuss... Old man things... >_>" Jill and Chris rushed to the newb's aid. He was about to be eaten alive by Zombeh dogs. Chris tried to whip out a pistol but he was holding a shitty knife. "Oh fuck daisies! This is HOLY SH*T!!! difficulty!" But, remembering that he had played Modern Warfare 2 the other day; (Paradox because it's 1998, but w/e ) Chris stabbed himself in the stomach with a knife. Jill was wrestling a dog, so Chris pulled the knife out of his stomach and tossed it in a epic fashion. 'The knife hits the Dog's ass!'
...
It's not very effective....Chris: "WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUU"After Jill fights with the butt hurt dog for awhile, and Chris was moaning cuz he fucking stabbed himself, she realized she had a gun. Of course, because she had been fixing a car's oil earlier and forgot to wash her hands, she dropped the freaking gun. Because they wuz about to die, they started screaming like a pack of 14 year old girls crying rape. Teh dogs had dem cornered... But what the hellz wuz they 'sposed to do? A). Kiss and make out n' stuff. (COGS way) B). FIGHT EM OFF!!! (Shark way) C). Begin research of a Dog repellent. (Matt way) D). Try to declare yourself leader of the dogs. Maybe they'll buy it. (Veta way) E). STRANGAH!!!!!! (Call for halp) (Merchant way) Stats [/u] Shark Points: 1 Veta Points: 0 Matt Points: 0 COGS Points: 0 Merchant Points: 0[/center]
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Post by Simon Allen on Jan 6, 2010 22:15:54 GMT -6
D. I'd say, whatever that means.
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Post by Veta on Jan 6, 2010 22:39:44 GMT -6
D.
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Post by Kong The Jester on Jan 7, 2010 11:32:46 GMT -6
C
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Post by AceTheMercenary on Jan 7, 2010 22:20:03 GMT -6
E.
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Post by cogs on Jan 7, 2010 22:24:27 GMT -6
D
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Post by Rai Chiller on Jan 8, 2010 0:04:01 GMT -6
You have chosen: Option D. +1 Veta Point!"Wait! All you bitches better listen to me, because I have opposable thumbs!" The dogs stopped growling for a second, waiting for Chris to continue. "And uh..." Chris was... Speechless. the dogs realized this after waiting for ten minutes. They calmly got up, and FUCKING LUNGED AT CHRIS'S FUCKING JUGULAR VEIN. The Dogs came down on them like a freaking chainsaw with a rocket. Chris barely had enough time to utter out "OH SHI-" Chris was teh doomed.Until... Chris realized that this scene was drawn out enough already, and politely asked the dogs to go away and let them continue the story. The dogs were okay with that, so they went back to their poker game. Jill said; "Holy shit! Where's Kent?" Looking around, you realized that it wasn't the dogs that were killing Kent... It was TEH KITTENZ. A). "Okay, fuck this. Let's just go to the Mansion." (+0 Everything) B). "Strangah..." (TO THE RESCUEZ!!!!) (+1 Merchant Point) C). "Wait! We should get Whiskahs first!" (+1 Veta point) D). "WE SHOULD TOTALLY AMBUSH THEM!!!!!!!" (+1 Shark Point) E). "Wait... Did that dog just say poker?" (+1 Matt Point) F). "Jill there's something I always wanted to tell you... *Gets bitch slapped* >_>" (+1 COGS Point) STATS Shark Points: 1 Veta Points: 1 COGS Points: 0 Matt Points: 0 Merchant Points: 0[/center]
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Post by AceTheMercenary on Jan 8, 2010 0:09:24 GMT -6
B.
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Post by Veta on Jan 8, 2010 0:27:21 GMT -6
B!
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Post by cogs on Jan 8, 2010 6:56:30 GMT -6
A, <_<
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Post by Simon Allen on Jan 8, 2010 9:49:04 GMT -6
B.
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Post by Rai Chiller on Jan 8, 2010 17:18:03 GMT -6
You have chosen: Option B! +1 Merchant Point!"Strangah..." "Huh? The hell was that?" Chris looked around. Like a whisper through his ear, the voice spoke again to Chris. "Strangah... Get off your ass and go help that poor newb! Or I'll find you. >_>" "Okay, I'll fucking go!" "Watch your fucking tone with me!" "Fuck off." "Well fuck you then!" Jill slapped Chris. Jill handed Chris a book. After reading through it three times and submiting a review on Amazon, Chris decided to go save teh newb from teh kittehs. Teh Kittehs were dancing on top of Kent's newb ass. It was the cutest thi.. I mean... Most gruesome thing Chris had ever seen! The kittehs noticed him and turned to fight him. Teh stage was set, the kittehz had all but destroyed Kent. Chris waited for them to make the first move... Then they struck. The kitties lunged from every direction, clawing and scratching the hell out of Chris's flesh. Hell, they actually carved a characature of happy cat from Chris's ass. But Chris fought em' off. Cuz Jill was watching, and if she saw him wimp the fuck out, she'd be all liek "THE HELL MAN. I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU COULD PUNCH BOULDERS." Chris drew all the strength he had into a series of epic pawnches. Decapitating one zombeh kitteh and cutting off their legs with his triceps. He basically roided out. Realizing he had a new powah, he danced for a second before continuing teh assault. But then... Chris looked at his roid gauge. He was nearly out of roid powah! A). Keep fightin'! The kittehs gotta let up some time! (Shark Way) B). Call that strange voice in your head again... >_> (Merchant Way) C). Tell Jill to get Weskah! (COGS Way) D). Go get the Dog's help! (Veta Way) E). "MAKE ME A SAMMICH, BITCH." (Matt Way) F). Retreat (Bitch Way) Stats [/u] Shark Points: 1 Merchant Points: 1 Veta Points: 1 Matt Points: 0 COGS Points: 0 Roid Gauge: 35%[/center]
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Post by Simon Allen on Jan 8, 2010 17:22:53 GMT -6
E.
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Post by Kong The Jester on Jan 8, 2010 17:24:25 GMT -6
E DAMMIT
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Post by Veta on Jan 8, 2010 17:43:33 GMT -6
d!
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Post by Rai Chiller on Jan 10, 2010 20:46:52 GMT -6
You have chosen: Option E! +1 Matt Point!"MAKE ME A SAMMICH, BITCH!" Chris bitch slapped Jill. "The fuck, Man?!?" Jill rubbed her cheek. Feeling a rush of Manliness and testosterone building, Chris gained the might of a thousand Roids! He was a fucking MONSTER. The puny kittens ran away in fear of his huge fucking muscles. An artist's depiction of Chris/ Kong's dream hunk (Jk!)(Kinda) : After five minutes of raping Jill, Chris shrunk back down to normal size. His fist red with Jill's blood. Jill was alive, barely. He kinda felt sorry for her, but he could only carry one person. Kent was barely alive too, but they were both on teh fringe of death. BIG DECISION TIME: A). Save Jill, Kent can go screw a tree. (+3 COGS Points) B). Save Kent, Jill was a bitch. (+1 Everyone else) C). Go get Whiskahs and Barry to help. (-1 Manliness) D). Fuck em' both. (+1 Loner/Psuedo awesomeness) Stats: [/u] Merchant Points: 1 Shark Points: 1 Veta Points: 1 Matt Points: 1 COGS Points: 0 Roid Gauge: It's over 9000!!![/center]
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Post by AceTheMercenary on Jan 10, 2010 20:55:58 GMT -6
Because of my personal philosophy, I'll vote A. Women have their "uses" (If ya know wut I mean) and manliness must never be sacrificed for any reason... EVAR.
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Post by Shark on Jan 10, 2010 22:25:05 GMT -6
D
For great sucess
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Post by Veta on Jan 10, 2010 22:36:36 GMT -6
D.
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Post by cogs on Jan 11, 2010 21:20:54 GMT -6
a
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