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Post by baron on Apr 15, 2009 14:35:35 GMT -6
B!B!B!B!
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Post by Veta on Apr 15, 2009 17:00:02 GMT -6
D!
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Post by slayer22 on Apr 19, 2009 8:33:15 GMT -6
D
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Basil
New Survivor
Posts: 47
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Post by Basil on Apr 19, 2009 10:50:20 GMT -6
You chose...D! DEUS EX MACHINA...I'm assuming you know Latin or just know what it means...
As their attacker aimed at Josh's hiding place, something completely unexpected happened.
Little did they know that Willamette was built in an area where wormholes in the space time continuum occurred very often, and that was just what happened at that specific moment.
Their attacker, a look of surprise on his face, suddenly vanished into what appeared to be a small, hovering black hole. As the hole closed up, the survivors could distinctly hear screams accompanied by "Hi there kids!"
The hole must have created a passage between this world and a world where Barney the Purple Dinosaur was the dominant species on Earth...
As our motley crew pondered the horror of the situation, Jill jumped down from a shelf and said in her usual calm and reasoned way:
"-FUCK MAN, WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT HAPPENED HERE, FUCK?"
Josh sidled up to her, an amorous and slightly revolting look plastered on his face.
"-I don't know sweetheart...but I'd like to know what's under that shir...mask of yours."
Jill swiftly clouted him in the face and turned to Basil.
"-YOU THERE YOU ENGLISH BASTARD FAGGOT, TAKE THIS GUN MOTHERFUCKER!!"
She picked up the discarded flintlock musket and threw it at Basil, who caught it gingerly and caused it to go off, killing a nearby six year old child who had happened to be passing by.
"-BASIL! YOU FUCKING MURDERING PIECE OF SHIT!"
"-Hey, I'm not good with guns."
"-OH, OKAY YOU PIECE OF SHIT", said Jill in what could have passed for an overly loud and vulgar version of sounding mollified.
Josh got up, rubbing his nose.
"-Damn, you sexy thing, you sure know how to pack a punch!"
---------------------------------
Meanwhile, somewhere else in Willamette...
"-DAMN! ZAWMBIES EVERYWHERE!", shouted US Marshall Michael Awesome Rhodes as he shot four non-zombified bystanders.
"I'm a US Marshall you commie bastards, and I'm gonna show you what being American is!"
He slammed the barrel of his .357 into the mouth of a nearby ZAWMBIE and squeezed the trigger, causing the back of the creature's skull to explode in a glorious shower of blood, brains, blood, gore and also gore...did I mention brains?
He arrived at the safehouse where he and his partner had been keeping an eye on a terrorist convict, but the area seemed pretty deserted save for their car and a dismembered corpse on the sidewalk.
"-Hey! Ofiicer! Over here!"
Mike spun round to confront the new threat and saw an alluringly pretty young woman wearing a police uniform and waving for him to come over.
"-Oh yeah, baby, I love uniforms!", he said, readjusting his Arnie sunglasses and putting his best all-American smile. He strode confidently over to her.
"-So, do you know what the fuck is going on here? I was taking my dog out for a walk when some little kid ate him!"
What should Michael Awesome Rhodes say to that? YOU DECIDE READERS!!
A-Just tell her the usual stuff, 'I don't know, let's get out of here', you know, basic stuff.
B-"Hey there, you sexy thing, fancy seeing the American Dream in action?"
C-Shout "WATCH OUT GIRL!" and heroically shoot the ZAWMBIE or human bystander who appeared to be creeping up on her.
D-"-Now what's a nice person like you doing in a place like this?"
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2009 10:52:25 GMT -6
C, splatter brains everywhere.
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Post by Veta on Apr 19, 2009 10:57:40 GMT -6
C
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Post by slayer22 on Apr 19, 2009 11:05:04 GMT -6
C
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Post by praetorian on Apr 19, 2009 14:43:40 GMT -6
I want BLOOD!!! So C.
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Basil
New Survivor
Posts: 47
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Post by Basil on Apr 25, 2009 14:46:13 GMT -6
You chose...C! Shoot a zombie or inoocent bystander in the face and claim you saved the woman...how dashing!
"WATCH OUT GIRL!", shouts Michael A. Rhodes as a cadaverous old lady approaches the woman from behind.
"-Excuse me, do you know..."
A bullet slammed into her skull and splattered the pavement with gore.
"-Damn ZAWMBIES", said Mike, re-holstering his weapon, "taking the appearance of a harmless old lady to sneak up on good American citizens!"
The young woman looks up at Mike with uncertainty before finally introducing herself:
"-I'm Arianne McKellar, of the Willamette Police...and you are?"
"-I am Michael Awesome Rhodes, US Marshall, at your service m'lady."
"-Hmm, we'd better get out of here, I say we get into my car and drive to the mall in a convenient way."
"-Excellent idea!"
They both got into Arianne's vehicle, drove to the mall and parked in the underground car park.
After exiting the car, they both went up into the mall, which was quite deserted.
Mike scanned the surrounding area.
"-It's quiet...TOO quiet...", he said.
WHAT SHOULD THEY DO? YOU DECIDE!!
A-shoot in the air to break this annoying and most un-American silence!
B-move forward into the mall, who cares if it's quiet, you can always dodge the ZAWMBIES if there are any.
C-shout a load of nonsense and see if anyone answers.
D-rush forward heroically in case there are any ZAWMBIES to ruthlessly exterminate or a suspicious survivors to pin to the ground and handcuff...heroically of course.
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Post by praetorian on Apr 25, 2009 14:49:36 GMT -6
D.
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Post by Veta on Apr 25, 2009 15:15:10 GMT -6
D
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Post by slayer22 on Apr 25, 2009 16:18:13 GMT -6
D
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Post by cindy on Apr 25, 2009 17:27:57 GMT -6
D, introduce Cindy
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Post by Veta on Apr 25, 2009 20:34:57 GMT -6
And Veta!
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Basil
New Survivor
Posts: 47
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Post by Basil on May 2, 2009 9:35:16 GMT -6
You chose...D! Rush heroically forward and obliterate all resistance! Heroically of course.
"Stand back M'am, let the pros do the job!"
Mike rushed forward, drawing his handgun and shouting:
"This is the American dream in action, baby!"
He charged at a nearby suspicious shape and emptied his clip into it.
Needless to say he was disapointed when it turned out he had filled a pinball machine with lead, and further inspection of the area turned up no zombies or suspicious individuals whatsoever.
Arianne walked up to him and smiled somewhat mockingly.
"-So, area's clear?"
"-Hrmf, I saw a guy dressed in a keffieh and with explosives strapped to him but he got away...bastard."
They went off, leaving the area and looking for possible survivors.
-----------------------------
Cindy Fieldth was hiding in a coffee shop, hoping that the nearby shuffling undead wuld not see her. What had started out as a quiet trip to the mall had suddenly degenerated into a bloodbath as zombies appeared and chowed down on hapless Willamette citizens.
The boring little hellhole she had been born and raised in had suddenly become a lot more exciting...but Cindy was not the kind of girl who could handle that much excitement.
"Oh no...I hope thith endth thoon...", she lisped to herself.
Suddenly, a zombie lurched drunkenly over the counter and flailed around trying to grab her.
What could she do...?
Oh hell, you decide readers!!!
A-scream and scream like any good woman should do in a situation like this, a man will eventually hear her and rescue her.
B-smash the bastard's head in with her high heel shoes!
C-grab the coffee machine and smash his head with that!!
D-leap over the counter and run like hell girl!!
The author would like to apologise for the appaling quality of this CYOA, he is currently selling out and attempting to make as much money as possible out of this.
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Post by cindy on May 2, 2009 9:39:27 GMT -6
B, because she actually did that in the RPG.
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Post by Veta on May 2, 2009 9:40:58 GMT -6
B!
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Post by slayer22 on May 2, 2009 10:09:36 GMT -6
B
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Basil
New Survivor
Posts: 47
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Post by Basil on May 3, 2009 15:10:18 GMT -6
You chose...B!! Smash the bastard's face in with her high heels! FUCK YEAH!
Cindy screamed as the smelly not-quite-dead-yet corpse flailed around, trying to grab her.
But, in a sudden wave of murderous self-preservation, Cindy removed one of her high-heeled shoes and rammed it into the abominable creature's eye, making a pretty flow of thick, half coagulated blood run out of it's ruined orbit...a bit like tomato juice, don't you think?
I personally love tomato juice, it is absolutely delicious, and is even more so if you put some Tabasco in it...anyway, where were we?
Ah yes. So Cindy stabbed the ZAWMBIE's eye in with her shoe before vaulting over the coffee shop counter, her dress billowing revealingly as she did so...******* *** ****** CENSORED CENSORED OH NOES! INDECENT! CENSORED ********** ** **** ***** ********** **** *** NO! NO! THERE ARE UNDERAGED PEOPLE HERE! BEEP BEEP.
After this glorious bout of censored literature, Cindy exited the coffee shop and dashed down the plaza, or rather hobbled, considering she left one of her dainty shoes not so daintily embedded in an undead fellow's skull.
With typical female grace, she stumbled and fell, crashing into a nearby garbage can and killing a hapless canary, which happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time...there's a lot of that in this CYOA isn't there?
A she gracefully stumbled back up, she saw a man dressed in an official-looking uniform thingy, maybe he knew what was going on?
"Wutthehellithgoingonhere??OhmygodTHAWMBIEtheverywhereandeverythingkilledmymotherandfamilyandeverythingthohorriblepleathehelpme!!!"
The man, who was actually Michael Awesome Rhodes, stared down at her as if she was some strange alien who had just fallen from a spaceship...albeit a sexy strange alien.
"-Need any help there Ma'am? Are you European or something?"
"-No...I'm Thindy Fieldth, and I thurvived thith hell...do you know what'th going on?"
"-Nope, I don't have a clue baby, but what I know is that those ZAWMBIES are Goddarn un-American Commie ragheads who deserve to die!"
He took his gun out and shot a nearby ZAWMBIE for dramatic effect.
"-Huh...", said Cindy, not sure wether he was sane or not.
In the meantime, Arianne showed up.
"-Don't mind him, he's strange", she said, ignoring Mike's expression of righteous fury at being called that, "I'm Arianne McKellar."
"-Nithe to meet you, I'm Thindy Fieldth"
And as in all good stories, there was immediate rivalry between the two. Over what? I don't know, I haven't quite thought about it, but it was probably sexual, after all, all humans desperately want to fuck each other, it's programmed in our genes!
No, there is no lesbianism here, that will come later, I promise!
Suddenly, a young man in full military attire and carrying a US flag and an M16 arrived near them.
"-Woohoo! Those darn ZAWMBIES sure do make nice targets for good American citizens like myself! Anyway, who are you people?"
Mike scowled at the newcomer, more patriotic than him? SHOCKING!
It turned out the patriot's name was Will Thompson, a US Marine who enjoyed shooting things, preferably live things.
-------------------------------------
Meanwhile, J Alphabet, Josh the Man and Basil the Brave had left the warehouse and had noticed the quatuor up ahead.
"OKAY SHIT FUCKS, WHAT DO WE FUCKING DO??", said J in a rather loud whisper.
Basil winced at the loudness of the foul-mouthed woman, whereas Josh simply drooled and mooned.
"-You have such a sexy voice, I'd like to hear it in more...intimate...circumstances."
What followed was protocol: J slammed her fist into his face.
"-Well", said Basil the Brave, "I don't really want to go say hello to them...their guns look rather deadly if you see what I mean."
"-DAMN YOU SHITFUCK, JUST COME UP WITH A FUCKING PLAN AND STOP WANKING AROUND LIKE SOME MOTHERFUCKING TOSSER."
"-Well...Josh could go forward and talk to them while we hang back and...cover him."
"-GREAT IDEA FUCKFACE!"
J violently grabbed Josh and threw him towards the group, hoping he could get along in diplomacy.
Josh looked sheepishly up at Cindy, Arianne, Will and Mike.
What could Josh say? YOU DECIDE!!
A-"Er, hi there, name's Josh."
B-"Y HALO THAR."
C-"Anyone know where I can get some bagels? I'm really hungry."
D-"I am Josh Sherman and I am the envoy of those two people back there, we wish to see if you are hostile or peaceful."
E-Have Will shove a gun in his face and ask "Are you or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?"
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Post by Veta on May 3, 2009 15:17:31 GMT -6
E!
And do a sidequest with Veta too!
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Post by slayer22 on May 3, 2009 15:19:40 GMT -6
B
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Post by Shark on May 3, 2009 15:21:39 GMT -6
E
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Post by praetorian on May 3, 2009 19:48:03 GMT -6
E definitely.
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Basil
New Survivor
Posts: 47
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Post by Basil on May 6, 2009 16:36:11 GMT -6
You chose...E! Have Will shove a gun in Josh's face and say "are you or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?". Hm, some people must have a McCarthy fetish...happy fapping!Before Josh could add anything to his already pitiful attempt at communication, Will stepped forward and shoved his M16 right into his face and said, in a loud and fervent voice: "ARE YOU, OR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN A MEMBER OF THE COMMUNIST PARTY?" Josh looked at him as if Jesus had suddenly appeared and buggered a tortoise, even Mike, Cindy and Arianne looked nervously at Will. "-Err, Will...it's all very nice to go all Pro Patria Mori on us but the cold war is over you know?" "-We will not stop until the threat of Communism has been eradicated!" Silence followed. A lone pelican squawked nearby and ZAMWBIES played bridge in a nearby coffee shop, it was their lunch break after all. Sadly, things were grinding down as the writer became distracted by something. Mike looked at the rest of the parody and shook his head. There were still loads of pages left to write. "-We need something to get things going again..." ZOMG WHAT CAN WE DO?? LOL I DUNNO, YOU DECIDE
A-have Will die a horrible death and if so:
a)have him get eaten alive by ZAWMBIES
b)have him fall into a wood chipper
c)dunno lol
B-WHAT WOULD XENU DO??
C-Bagels.
Good luck with that everyone
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Post by Veta on May 6, 2009 17:19:52 GMT -6
A,c lol
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Post by slayer22 on May 7, 2009 5:38:36 GMT -6
Z). Have a random flock of penguins kill him while Josh hits on Jill again, causing her to punch his nose in and then have Basil say "Hurf, there is a safe security room over there"
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Basil
New Survivor
Posts: 47
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Post by Basil on May 7, 2009 7:37:27 GMT -6
There is no Z option in this CYOA
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Post by slayer22 on May 7, 2009 8:33:43 GMT -6
I know, just change it to B).
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2009 14:49:44 GMT -6
B
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Post by Shark on May 7, 2009 19:35:02 GMT -6
A-b
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